Mastering Body Language

“Just keep your shoulders back and your chin up”

Your mouth isn’t the only part of your body that talks. In fact, all those sounds that come out of your face may not mean nearly as much as the signals you send with the rest of your body. Your posture, your facial expression, hand gestures, even that thing you do with your eyebrows when you’re nervous — all of these things communicate information to other people. When most guys think about being charismatic, they think about what they need to say to impress a woman, a boss or a client, but body language is just as important, if not more so. Guys need to think about the messages their body language is sending. Below are the 5 body lessons from Charismatic People.

1.    Come ready

Projecting positive body language starts long before you walk out the door. If you’re worried about the way your pants fit or the way your hair looks, you’ll come off as anxious and unfriendly. Wearing the right kind of clothes and taking care of your hair and skin will give you confidence, and you’ll project that confidence immediately upon walking into the room, the same way George Clooney does.

2.    Use social contact

If you’ve ever watched Bill Clinton in action, you’ve seen effective use of social contact. With the skill of a seasoned politician, Clinton is constantly patting people on the back and enthusiastically shaking hands. He radiates positive energy; he’s both kinetic and magnetic. You can channel some of Clinton’s legendary charisma by using social contact too. You don’t want to be touchy-feely guy, but don’t hesitate to shake hands or pat someone's back for a job well done.

3.    Smile

A smile might say more about you than just about any other aspect of your body language. That’s why it’s on our list of body language lessons from charismatic men. When onlookers see you smiling, they instantly know that you’re comfortable, relaxed and having fun. Take a look at just about any picture of Oscar de la Hoya; the boxing great has a million-dollar smile. It’s warm and infectious. He looks like a guy you want to hang out with. That’s charisma.

4.    Stand up straight

Standing up straight is another essential element of powerful body language. Slouchers look tired and beaten down. Guys who stand tall look like winners, like Michael Jordan. Jordan has so much charisma, he’s turned himself into a billion-dollar brand. He’s arguably the most marketable human being in history. But you don’t need to be 6’6” in order to stand tall, just keep your shoulders back and your chin up.

5.    Keep your body open

Another important element of charismatic body language is keeping your body open. Essentially, that just means you don’t want to put objects in between you and other people. For instance, don’t stand facing the bar, stand facing away from the bar. Give people the opportunity to come up and meet you. Don’t cross your arms; try not to hold your drink out in front of your chest. There’s something subtly defensive about these postures. For an example, think of someone like Stephen Colbert. He’s always animated, always engaging, always open — except to other people’s ideas.

6.    Maintain eye contact

Avoiding eye contact makes you look shifty or painfully shy. Charismatic guys are confident and comfortable carrying on a conversation. So look others in the eye, especially women; they often list “eyes” as one of the most attractive male characteristics. Why else do you think Paul Newman, with his glacier-blue eyes, was considered a sex symbol for so many years?

7.    Adjust your clothing to set the tone

When it comes to sending signals through your body language, we can all learn a lesson from the charismatic commander in chief. President Barack Obama is the most stylish president since Kennedy, and one thing he’s masterful at is adjusting his clothing to set the tone. When he’s speaking from behind a podium, he knows how to rock a suit; when he’s chatting with his constituents at a town hall meeting, he has his tie loosened and his sleeves rolled up. Whatever the occasion, he never looks out of place — never overdressed, never underdressed.

a body of success

Much like a picture, body language speaks a thousand words. If you want to be more successful with women, in your career and in social situations generally, start committing these body language lessons from charismatic men to memory.

Body Language Tip #1: Charm Them with Inviting Eyes

 In most of your interactions with others, the first thing you do is establish eye contact. And the type of eye contact you offer sets the stage for their impression of you and for the rest of the interaction.

If your eye contact is inviting, others will feel welcomed and drawn in.

If your eye contact is aggressive or insistent, others will feel wary and may become guarded.

If your eye contact is weak or non-existent, others will feel that you aren’t interested in them or in what they are saying.

The importance of offering the right eye contact cannot be overstated. Eye contact is more than just a social convention. In fact, it is one of the most important ways humans connect with each other. Simply looking directly into another person’s eyes produces a biological reaction that our brain interprets as affection.

So, if you want to make a stellar first impression, start by improving your eye contact skills. If you find that making eye contact is difficult for you, here are some things to try the next time you are at a networking event or other social gathering:

A – The Eye Color Technique

 The next time you are networking with new people, focus on figuring out the color of the person’s eyes. This is one of my favourite tricks for making eye contact – it forces me to pay closer attention and make deeper eye contact with the other person, which leads to us feeling more connected. Try it because this little trick will help you get in the habit of making great eye contact right off the bat and because it is mission oriented, it can help alleviate the awkwardness some people feel when making eye contact.

 B – Right between the Eyes

 If looking directly into someone’s eyes makes you extremely uncomfortable, focus on a spot right between their eyes. This will alleviate some of your discomfort while still making the connection with the other person.

However, over time, focus on becoming more comfortable with making direct eye contact with the other person. When this happens, the brain registers the contact and produces chemicals that make both parties feel more connected to each other.

One way to effectively manage eye contact when you are speaking to a group is to pick one person to make eye contact with at the start of each new thought. As you move from one thought or point to another, shift to a new person. This will make everyone feel included and will keep you from looking at one person for too long, from looking at the floor, or from letting your gaze wander aimlessly. Remember, charismatic people make everyone in the group feel involved and engaged.

Body Language Tip #2: Perfecting Your Posture

Apart from eye contact, another way charismatic people exhibit their confidence, openness, and presence is through their posture.

Posture is the way you carry yourself, hold your body and move through space. Your posture is a critical part of your body language. It can convey everything from personality traits like confidence and strength to emotions like sadness or excitement. In order to send the nonverbal messages you want to send when you walk into a room or take a seat at the table, you need to understand how your posture affects people’s perception of you. Once you understand the posture-perception connection, you can use it to your advantage.

Here is how posture affects perception and what you can do to let everyone in the room know you are confident, capable, and charismatic.

 A – Stand up Straight

 If you want people to believe you are confident and charismatic, check your posture. When people are self-confident it shows in the way they carry themselves. They stand up straight and tall and they hold their head high. If you struggle with self-confidence issues, pay particular attention to your posture and how you stand. Any time you enter a room, focus on standing straight and tall with your shoulders back and your head high. Practice in the mirror so you get used to how it feels to stand and walk this way. I personally realized I had a posture problem when I was at college. As part of my business communication course, our professor videotaped our presentations and made us watch the video. When I saw myself on video, I realized just how terrible my posture was! I was standing with my back rounded and my shoulders hunched forward which came across as a very unconfident and unattractive posture. After realizing this, I made a conscious decision to stand straight. To this day, whenever I catch myself standing hunched over, I push my shoulders back, thrust my chest out ever so slightly and straighten up my back. Not only does this make me appear taller, it comes across as a confident and self-assured, which are traits that all charismatic individuals embody.

 B – Sit up Straight Too Posture

Is also important when you are sitting down. Imagine you are standing at the front of the room giving a presentation and you notice that one of the attendees is slouched over in their chair with their arms across their chest. What message are they sending by sitting that way? They are saying (through their body language), “I don’t believe you, I don’t care enough to pay attention, I am not open to what you have to say.” What about the message the woman on the other side of the table, who is hunched over the table, looking down and doodling on a piece of paper, is sending? She’s saying, “I am bored, I am not listening at all, I wish I wasn’t here.” Now think about the messages you are getting from the person sitting closer to the front who is sitting up straight, making eye contact, taking notes, and nodding and smiling as they listen to you speak. That person is saying, “I am interested, I am engaged, I care about what you are saying.” How you sit when interacting with others is an important part of how they will perceive you. Follow these rules whenever you are seated at a meeting, a dinner, on a date, or in any social environment where perception matters.

Don’t slouch. Don’t lean away from the person. Instead, lean forward and towards them. If you need to take notes (such as in a business meeting), make sure you are looking up from those notes often enough to remain engaged in what others are saying. Maintain a connection with any others at the table or anyone speaking through focused attention, eye contact, and a smile.

Body Language Tip #3: Master the Handshake

 It might seem a bit old-fashioned, but a solid handshake remains an important nonverbal communication tool that tells people a lot about you. Every time you shake hands, whether it is with a new business acquaintance at a networking event, a new love interest, or a potential employer, you need to know the message you want to send and then shake hands in a way that sends it. Different handshakes send different messages. A weak handshake says, “I am weak, you won’t be able to rely on me.” A grip that is too tight, a handshake that is too forceful or that lasts too long all say, “I am overcompensating for something.”

 A firm grip implies a strong character and self-confidence. A loose grip implies a lack of character. Here are the four unwritten rules of giving a good handshake: 1 – When you find yourself in a social situation where you need to shake hands with someone new, always put your hand out first. This shows openness and confidence. 2 – Grip the other person’s hand firmly, as you would grip something that is breakable but that you don’t want to drop. Avoid bone-crushing grips, which don’t make you seem strong or confident. Instead, they make you look like a bully with something to prove. 3 – A solid handshake lasts for only two or three pumps. Prolonging it makes you seem aggressive or creepy. 4 – Shake from the elbow, not the shoulder. You want your handshake to impart an aura of strength, competence, and confidence, not brute force. It is as important to know when to shake hands, as it is to know how to shake hands, because defying this social convention can be as detrimental as doing it wrong. Always shake hands when you are introduced to someone new or when you introduce yourself to someone new. Shake hands when someone introduces themselves to you. During formal situations, shake hands at the end of the conversation. If you aren’t sure how to give a solid handshake, practice with a friend or family member. Then, practice whenever you can at every social event, networking get-together, business meeting, etc.

Body Language Tip #4: Adopt Proper Positioning

Another aspect of body language is body and arm position. If you are standing or sitting in a way that your body is exposed and open, the message you send is that you are open. Simply keeping the front of your body accessible says “I am friendly. I am willing to meet new people. I am open to new things.” The opposite is true if you stand or sit in a way that blocks your body such as crossing your arms over your chest, crossing your legs, or slouching. All of these positions send negative messages like “I am anxious. I am not friendly. I have no interest in you or anything you have to say.” When you are interacting with others, keep your back straight, your arms uncrossed, and your torso exposed. Simply adopting this as your main body position in social situations will make you seem approachable, friendly, and willing to make new connections.

Body Language Tip #5: Master Gestures and Hand Movements

Whether you are known to gesture wildly when you talk or reserve hand movements for important moments where emphasis is required, you are sending a message every time you move your hands. Charismatic people understand the power of the gesture and consciously use it to the best effect. They are not the people who can’t seem to talk without moving their hands, and their hand movements and gestures are never distracting. They understand that, just like the other kinds of body language, the way you move your hands and you head means something to other people and it isn’t always the meaning you want to convey. In order to master your own movements, you need to understand the messages sent by these universal gestures. When you are talking, here’s what various hand gestures and positions say:

Hands that are hidden – Tells people they can’t trust you. This is why I advise people to avoid keeping both hands in their pockets when they are talking to someone.

Hands that never move while talking – Tells people you aren’t passionate, that you are indifferent or don’t care about what you are talking about.

Hands open and gesturing naturally while you speak – Tells people you are open, honest, and trustworthy.

Hands open and palms facing down – Tells people you know what you are talking about, though it does portray authority and dominance.

Hands open and palms facing up – Tells people that you are open and receptive to them.

Hands that are gesturing quickly – Tells people you are excited, interested, and passionate about what you are saying.

Hands gesturing beyond the outline of the body – Tells people you are expressing a big idea.

Hands gesturing wildly – Tells people you are out of control. Steepled hands, palms facing each other with fingertips touching

Now that you understand the basics, take a few minutes to think about what kind of gestures and hand movements you use when interacting with someone new. Are you a “handtalker”? When you go to a networking event, where do you usually put your hands? Pay attention to your hand movements and gestures for a whole day and see how often you are sending messages you don’t mean to send. Then practice using more confident, self-assured movements in the mirror until they feel comfortable.

 When you attend the next social gathering, focus on using your gestures and hand movements to reinforce the messages you are sending: If you want people to think you are open, honest, and approachable, use hand movements that leave your hand open and at an angle. If you want to convey that you are experienced or an expert on some topic, steeple your hands when you speak and watch how people react. Avoid clasping your hands behind your back or in front of you so you don’t undermine the self-confidence you are trying to project.

 Body Language Tip #6: Smile… All the Way to Your Eyes

 This is important enough to mention again. A sincere smile is one of your best nonverbal communication tools. It signifies openness and makes the person you are smiling at feel important. It is inviting and welcoming and can be an effective way to break the ice with someone new. The sincere smile should look and feel different, even to you. Most people offer fake smiles where their lips move but their eyes don’t portray the warmth and affection that a real smile carries. So, how do you offer a genuine smile? The trick is to find something you like about the person. Be interested in the other person. Be excited about the magic that takes place when two individuals bond. Tap into the positive feelings of excitement, interest, and fun that are involved when meeting someone, and your smile will come naturally. Once you know how to offer a genuine smile, get out there and see what it does for you in social interactions. Make sure you smile that smile when you are shaking hands with someone, when initiating or sustaining eye contact with someone, and even simply when entering a room. You will be surprised at the way people react to you when you offer them a genuine and sincere smile.

 A Final Thought on Mastering Body Language

Practice mastering your body language in social situations like networking events, bars, parties, etc., by doing the following:

·         Making meaningful eye contact.

·         Perfecting your posture.

·         Choosing your gestures and hand movements carefully.

·         Smiling