6 Steps for Self Confidence and Self Esteem
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Do you feel at sometimes that you are not good enough at your work, at your business, at your relationship .
How to target low self-esteem or low self-confidence.
Getting over low self-esteem is easier said than
done.
Let’s define Self-confidence: Self-confidence is the
ability or the belief to believe in yourself, to accomplish any task, no
matter the odds, no matter the difficulty, no matter the adversity. The belief that you can
accomplished it, is self-confidence.
Firstly people do not realize that they need help.
Secondly, if they do, they do not know where to go for help. A lot of people
have advice and there are many articles present online but they fail to address
the real issues that lead towards low self-esteem.
Many articles say to take care of your personal
hygiene or love yourself or make a list of things that you love about yourself
to build self-esteem. However, these tips will hardly ever solve deeply rooted
problems in self-confidence.
I have a more scientific solution to the problem
and what psychological treatments for this issue can be and the neuroscience
behind it.
1.
Repetition, Repetition, Repetition
Malcom Gladwell calls it, the 10,000-hour rule. There's
no magic button. I never could speak in front of 2 people let alone any group.
I was a chronic stammerer but then on Jan 1 2014, I spoke to more than 5000
people for 20 minutes without any fear. People had tears in their eyes. That
was the impact. People who laughed at my stammer previously came and
congratulated me. I have featured in a Melbourne Local TV channel. I am now
considered a great orator by my peers. How did I do it? It took me 4 years. I
joined toastmasters. Practiced Repetition, Repetition, Repetition. That’s the
only secret. The problem with repetition is how many of us bail after the first
bit of failure? How many of us bail after the first bit of adversity?
Jack Canfield and Victor Hansen of the Chicken Soup for the Soul best seller
got rejected 113 times before they got their first break to become the New York
Best Seller selling more than 10 million copies.
2. Live in the present
A factor that may cause low self-esteem is the
'dorsolateral prefrontal cortex' which is like our inner critic. When the inner
critical self goes into overdrive, every action is questioned by us and this
doubting leads to low confidence and low self-esteem. High confidence means to
not constantly question your decisions and actions.
Being in control of this dorsolateral prefrontal
cortex in social gatherings will allow you to be more 'in the moment'. Being in
control will make you charismatic and this will lead you to have a positive
social experience.
Your inner critic can be shut down through
meditation that helps you to learn mental discipline to stay focused on the
present. If you do not meditate, then you should focus on the present and react
in the moment. Do not think and ponder over what you will say and try to
listen. The more you will engage with your surroundings, the less dorsolateral
prefrontal cortex will control you.
3. Overcoming Limiting Beliefs: From reading thousands of
comments and emails, and talking to readers, family, and friends, I've learned
that there is something very central to how we construct our beliefs -- our
perception of our capabilities. Limiting beliefs, like thinking that you
can't, won't, mustn't, shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't be or do something is
based on what you perceive your capabilities to be, and further limits your
perception of your capabilities and drags down your self-image. And you act
accordingly by making choices limited to your perceived capability, which
translates to limited experiences and generating limited results that reflect
the limitations that you've imposed upon yourself. For example, if you
believe all relationships fail, what you're really saying
is that you don't believe that you could be in a lasting
relationship.
Each belief you have is tied to other beliefs that
you hold, and they all feed into each other, either complimenting or
undermining and limiting. The more you tell yourself that you're not
this and you can't do that, the more that you channel superpowers that you
don't possess -- the ability to mind
bend people-and influence and control their feelings and behavior by
being pleasing or even forceful, the more you cripple your confidence, worth,
and value.
Understanding,
re-evaluating, and re-positioning your belief system involves gaining a more
accurate sense of self.
Are you all of the things you say about yourself?
You think it's fair and reasonable to base your
self-image on an outdated view of yourself without taking into account what
you've done since then? Isn't it unfair to think that you cannot change or
evolve?
A great litmus test for whether you have an inaccurate
self-image, is to think about the way you respond to compliments and
basically anything that isn't in-line with your beliefs? Do you say thanks to a
compliment or are you mistrustful of it and knock it back? Or are you
comfortable with just hearing or seeing something that supports your mindset?
Until you have full understanding of what your
beliefs are, you will remain unconscious, which means you will act in ways that
are not in-line with your values, your personal beliefs on makes you feel a whole
range of emotions, and your true likes and dislikes. You will do things that
undermine your efforts, relationships, and happiness. You will limit yourself,
claiming that external forces beyond your control that are what's limiting you.
Where do you limit yourself?
Try to come up with 2-3 examples of when you
believed that you wouldn't be able to do something and yet you did. Think about
the negative things that you claim about you-- can you think of an example in
your life that contradicts this? For instance, one reader called herself
"weak." But when she told me about the various things that she'd done
in the last six months alone, it became clear that her self-image did not
reflect the reality of how strong she truly is.
Food for the thought: Are you forgetting to
internalize your accomplishments and achievements?
4. Champion Declarations or Affirmations. Affirmations help purify our thoughts and restructure the dynamic of our brains so that we truly begin to think nothing is impossible. The word affirmation comes from the Latin affirmare, originally meaning "to make steady, strengthen." Muhammad Ali, what was his self-affirmation? “I am the greatest!. Nelson Mandela’s affirmation was “I am the captain of my ship and the master of my fate”. If I don't say it, if I don't believe it, no one else will. Affirmations help in reprogramming yourself away from the self talk going on inside your head.
Affirmations do indeed strengthen us by helping us believe in the potential of an action we desire to manifest. When we verbally affirm our dreams and ambitions, we are instantly empowered with a deep sense of reassurance that our wishful words will become reality.
5. Celebrate your success. Note down all your success. Read it aloud whenever you have self-doubt. This will keep you going.
6. Work Out Working out really helps to boost
your self-confidence as looking good makes you feel good about yourself also.
Moreover, exercise and work out releases more hormones and neurotransmitters
that affect the brain positively. Exercising releases endorphins that are
natural antidepressants and help to elevate your mood and confidence
drastically. More muscle mass also helps your body produce more testosterone
that makes you more focused and more confident. If any of you is like a
"wallflower", they should try adding muscle mass to their bodies to
help them become more charismatic.
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