“Just keep your shoulders back
and your chin up”
Your mouth isn’t the only part
of your body that talks. In fact, all those sounds that come out of your face
may not mean nearly as much as the signals you send with the rest of your body.
Your posture, your facial expression, hand gestures, even that thing you do with
your eyebrows when you’re nervous — all of these things communicate information
to other people. When most guys think about being charismatic, they think about
what they need to say to impress
a woman, a boss or a client, but body language is just as important,
if not more so. Guys need to think about the messages their body language is
sending. Below are the 5 body lessons from Charismatic People.
1.
Come
ready
Projecting positive body language starts long
before you walk out the door. If you’re worried about the way your pants fit or
the way your hair looks, you’ll come off as anxious and unfriendly. Wearing the
right kind of clothes and taking care of your hair and skin will give you confidence, and you’ll project that
confidence immediately upon walking into the room, the same way George Clooney does.
2.
Use
social contact
If you’ve ever watched Bill Clinton in action, you’ve seen effective use of
social contact. With the skill of a seasoned politician, Clinton is constantly
patting people on the back and enthusiastically shaking hands. He radiates
positive energy; he’s both kinetic and magnetic. You can channel some of
Clinton’s legendary charisma by using social contact too. You don’t want to be
touchy-feely guy, but don’t hesitate to shake hands or pat someone's back for a
job well done.
3.
Smile
A smile might say more about you than just about
any other aspect of your body language. That’s why it’s on our list of body
language lessons from charismatic men. When onlookers see you smiling, they
instantly know that you’re comfortable, relaxed and having fun. Take a look at
just about any picture of Oscar de la Hoya; the boxing great has a
million-dollar smile. It’s warm and infectious. He looks like a guy you want to
hang out with. That’s charisma.
4.
Stand
up straight
Standing up straight is another essential element
of powerful
body language. Slouchers look tired and beaten down. Guys who stand tall
look like winners, like Michael Jordan. Jordan has so much charisma, he’s
turned himself into a billion-dollar brand. He’s arguably the most marketable
human being in history. But you don’t need to be 6’6” in order to stand tall,
just keep your shoulders back and your chin up.
5.
Keep
your body open
Another important element of charismatic body
language is keeping your body open. Essentially, that just means you don’t want
to put objects in between you and other people. For instance, don’t stand
facing the bar, stand facing away from the bar. Give people the opportunity to
come up and meet you. Don’t cross your arms; try not to hold your drink out in
front of your chest. There’s something subtly defensive about these postures.
For an example, think of someone like Stephen Colbert. He’s always animated, always
engaging, always open — except to other people’s ideas.
6.
Maintain
eye contact
Avoiding
eye contact makes you look shifty or painfully shy. Charismatic guys are confident
and comfortable carrying on a conversation. So look others in
the eye, especially women; they often list “eyes” as one of the most attractive
male characteristics. Why else do you think Paul Newman, with his
glacier-blue eyes, was considered a sex symbol for so many years?
7.
Adjust
your clothing to set the tone
When it
comes to sending signals through your body language, we can all learn a lesson
from the charismatic commander in chief. President Barack Obama is the most
stylish president since Kennedy, and one thing he’s masterful at is adjusting
his clothing to set the tone. When he’s speaking from behind a podium, he knows
how to rock a suit; when he’s chatting with his constituents at a town hall
meeting, he has his tie loosened and his sleeves rolled up. Whatever the
occasion, he never looks out of place — never overdressed, never underdressed.
a body of success
Much like
a picture, body language speaks a thousand words. If you want to be more
successful with women, in your career and in social situations generally, start
committing these body language lessons from charismatic men to memory.
Body
Language Tip #1: Charm Them with Inviting Eyes
In most of your interactions with others, the
first thing you do is establish eye contact. And the type of eye contact you
offer sets the stage for their impression of you and for the rest of the
interaction.
If your eye contact is
inviting, others will feel welcomed and drawn in.
If your eye contact is
aggressive or insistent, others will feel wary and may become guarded.
If your eye contact is weak or
non-existent, others will feel that you aren’t interested in them or in what
they are saying.
The importance of offering the
right eye contact cannot be overstated. Eye contact is more than just a social
convention. In fact, it is one of the most important ways humans connect with
each other. Simply looking directly into another person’s eyes produces a
biological reaction that our brain interprets as affection.
So, if you want to make a
stellar first impression, start by improving your eye contact skills. If you
find that making eye contact is difficult for you, here are some things to try
the next time you are at a networking event or other social gathering:
A
– The Eye Color Technique
The next time you are networking with new
people, focus on figuring out the color of the person’s eyes. This is one of my
favourite tricks for making eye contact – it forces me to pay closer attention
and make deeper eye contact with the other person, which leads to us feeling
more connected. Try it because this little trick will help you get in the habit
of making great eye contact right off the bat and because it is mission
oriented, it can help alleviate the awkwardness some people feel when making
eye contact.
B – Right between the Eyes
If looking directly into someone’s eyes makes
you extremely uncomfortable, focus on a spot right between their eyes. This
will alleviate some of your discomfort while still making the connection with
the other person.
However, over time, focus on
becoming more comfortable with making direct eye contact with the other person.
When this happens, the brain registers the contact and produces chemicals that
make both parties feel more connected to each other.
One way to effectively manage
eye contact when you are speaking to a group is to pick one person to make eye
contact with at the start of each new thought. As you move from one thought or
point to another, shift to a new person. This will make everyone feel included
and will keep you from looking at one person for too long, from looking at the
floor, or from letting your gaze wander aimlessly. Remember, charismatic people
make everyone in the group feel involved and engaged.
Body
Language Tip #2: Perfecting Your Posture
Apart from eye contact,
another way charismatic people exhibit their confidence, openness, and presence
is through their posture.
Posture is the way you carry
yourself, hold your body and move through space. Your posture is a critical
part of your body language. It can convey everything from personality traits
like confidence and strength to emotions like sadness or excitement. In order
to send the nonverbal messages you want to send when you walk into a room or
take a seat at the table, you need to understand how your posture affects
people’s perception of you. Once you understand the posture-perception
connection, you can use it to your advantage.
Here is how posture affects
perception and what you can do to let everyone in the room know you are
confident, capable, and charismatic.
A – Stand up Straight
If you want people to believe you are
confident and charismatic, check your posture. When people are self-confident
it shows in the way they carry themselves. They stand up straight and tall and
they hold their head high. If you struggle with self-confidence issues, pay
particular attention to your posture and how you stand. Any time you enter a
room, focus on standing straight and tall with your shoulders back and your
head high. Practice in the mirror so you get used to how it feels to stand and
walk this way. I personally realized I had a posture problem when I was at college.
As part of my business communication course, our professor videotaped our
presentations and made us watch the video. When I saw myself on video, I
realized just how terrible my posture was! I was standing with my back rounded
and my shoulders hunched forward which came across as a very unconfident and
unattractive posture. After realizing this, I made a conscious decision to
stand straight. To this day, whenever I catch myself standing hunched over, I
push my shoulders back, thrust my chest out ever so slightly and straighten up
my back. Not only does this make me appear taller, it comes across as a
confident and self-assured, which are traits that all charismatic individuals
embody.
B – Sit up Straight Too Posture
Is also important when you are
sitting down. Imagine you are standing at the front of the room giving a
presentation and you notice that one of the attendees is slouched over in their
chair with their arms across their chest. What message are they sending by
sitting that way? They are saying (through their body language), “I don’t
believe you, I don’t care enough to pay attention, I am not open to what you
have to say.” What about the message the woman on the other side of the table,
who is hunched over the table, looking down and doodling on a piece of paper,
is sending? She’s saying, “I am bored, I am not listening at all, I wish I
wasn’t here.” Now think about the messages you are getting from the person
sitting closer to the front who is sitting up straight, making eye contact,
taking notes, and nodding and smiling as they listen to you speak. That person
is saying, “I am interested, I am engaged, I care about what you are
saying.” How you sit when interacting with others is an important part of how
they will perceive you. Follow these rules whenever you are seated at a
meeting, a dinner, on a date, or in any social environment where perception
matters.
Don’t slouch. Don’t lean away
from the person. Instead, lean forward and towards them. If you need to take
notes (such as in a business meeting), make sure you are looking up from those
notes often enough to remain engaged in what others are saying. Maintain a
connection with any others at the table or anyone speaking through focused
attention, eye contact, and a smile.
Body
Language Tip #3: Master the Handshake
It might seem a bit old-fashioned, but a solid
handshake remains an important nonverbal communication tool that tells people a
lot about you. Every time you shake hands, whether it is with a new business
acquaintance at a networking event, a new love interest, or a potential
employer, you need to know the message you want to send and then shake hands in
a way that sends it. Different handshakes send different messages. A weak
handshake says, “I am weak, you won’t be able to rely on me.” A grip that is
too tight, a handshake that is too forceful or that lasts too long all say, “I
am overcompensating for something.”
A firm grip implies a strong character and
self-confidence. A loose grip implies a lack of character. Here are the four
unwritten rules of giving a good handshake: 1 – When you find yourself in a
social situation where you need to shake hands with someone new, always put
your hand out first. This shows openness and confidence. 2 – Grip the other
person’s hand firmly, as you would grip something that is breakable but that
you don’t want to drop. Avoid bone-crushing grips, which don’t make you seem
strong or confident. Instead, they make you look like a bully with something to
prove. 3 – A solid handshake lasts for only two or three pumps. Prolonging it
makes you seem aggressive or creepy. 4 – Shake from the elbow, not the
shoulder. You want your handshake to impart an aura of strength, competence,
and confidence, not brute force. It is as important to know when to shake
hands, as it is to know how to shake hands, because defying this social
convention can be as detrimental as doing it wrong. Always shake hands when you
are introduced to someone new or when you introduce yourself to someone new.
Shake hands when someone introduces themselves to you. During formal
situations, shake hands at the end of the conversation. If you aren’t sure how
to give a solid handshake, practice with a friend or family member. Then,
practice whenever you can at every social event, networking get-together,
business meeting, etc.
Body
Language Tip #4: Adopt Proper Positioning
Another aspect of body
language is body and arm position. If you are standing or sitting in a way that
your body is exposed and open, the message you send is that you are open.
Simply keeping the front of your body accessible says “I am friendly. I am
willing to meet new people. I am open to new things.” The opposite is true if
you stand or sit in a way that blocks your body such as crossing your arms over
your chest, crossing your legs, or slouching. All of these positions send
negative messages like “I am anxious. I am not friendly. I have no interest in
you or anything you have to say.” When you are interacting with others, keep
your back straight, your arms uncrossed, and your torso exposed. Simply
adopting this as your main body position in social situations will make you
seem approachable, friendly, and willing to make new connections.
Body
Language Tip #5: Master Gestures and Hand Movements
Whether you are known to
gesture wildly when you talk or reserve hand movements for important moments
where emphasis is required, you are sending a message every time you move your
hands. Charismatic people understand the power of the gesture and consciously
use it to the best effect. They are not the people who can’t seem to talk
without moving their hands, and their hand movements and gestures are never
distracting. They understand that, just like the other kinds of body language, the
way you move your hands and you head means something to other people and it
isn’t always the meaning you want to convey. In order to master your own
movements, you need to understand the messages sent by these universal
gestures. When you are talking, here’s what various hand gestures and positions
say:
Hands that are hidden – Tells
people they can’t trust you. This is why I advise people to avoid keeping both
hands in their pockets when they are talking to someone.
Hands that never move while
talking – Tells people you aren’t passionate, that you are indifferent or don’t
care about what you are talking about.
Hands open and gesturing
naturally while you speak – Tells people you are open, honest, and trustworthy.
Hands open and palms facing
down – Tells people you know what you are talking about, though it does portray
authority and dominance.
Hands open and palms facing up
– Tells people that you are open and receptive to them.
Hands that are gesturing
quickly – Tells people you are excited, interested, and passionate about what
you are saying.
Hands gesturing beyond the
outline of the body – Tells people you are expressing a big idea.
Hands gesturing wildly – Tells
people you are out of control. Steepled hands, palms facing each other with
fingertips touching
Now that you understand the
basics, take a few minutes to think about what kind of gestures and hand
movements you use when interacting with someone new. Are you a “handtalker”?
When you go to a networking event, where do you usually put your hands? Pay
attention to your hand movements and gestures for a whole day and see how often
you are sending messages you don’t mean to send. Then practice using more
confident, self-assured movements in the mirror until they feel comfortable.
When you attend the next social gathering,
focus on using your gestures and hand movements to reinforce the messages you
are sending: If you want people to think you are open, honest, and approachable,
use hand movements that leave your hand open and at an angle. If you want to
convey that you are experienced or an expert on some topic, steeple your hands
when you speak and watch how people react. Avoid clasping your hands behind
your back or in front of you so you don’t undermine the
self-confidence you are trying to project.
Body Language Tip #6: Smile… All the Way to
Your Eyes
This is important enough to mention again. A
sincere smile is one of your best nonverbal communication tools. It signifies
openness and makes the person you are smiling at feel important. It is inviting
and welcoming and can be an effective way to break the ice with someone new.
The sincere smile should look and feel different, even to you. Most people
offer fake smiles where their lips move but their eyes don’t portray the warmth
and affection that a real smile carries. So, how do you offer a genuine smile?
The trick is to find something you like about the person. Be interested in the
other person. Be excited about the magic that takes place when two individuals bond.
Tap into the positive feelings of excitement, interest, and fun that are
involved when meeting someone, and your smile will come naturally. Once you
know how to offer a genuine smile, get out there and see what it does for you
in social interactions. Make sure you smile that smile when you are shaking
hands with someone, when initiating or sustaining eye contact with someone, and
even simply when entering a room. You will be surprised at the way people react
to you when you offer them a genuine and sincere smile.
A Final
Thought on Mastering Body Language
Practice mastering your body
language in social situations like networking events, bars, parties, etc., by
doing the following:
·
Making meaningful eye contact.
·
Perfecting your posture.
·
Choosing your gestures and hand movements
carefully.
·
Smiling
